dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
