ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
