If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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