so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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