I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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