Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
