Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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