well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
