Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
