Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
