I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
