Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
