Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's the barista slut.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
