While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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