I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
