I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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