do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
