Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
