He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
