just come out here and I will go home with you...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
