i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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