we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
