he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
