he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I sprained my soul last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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