My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
