I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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