Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
