Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
