i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
did i just pee glitter
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
