I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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