I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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