I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
