I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
