Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
