Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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