just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
