I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
