Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
