So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
