I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
