I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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