You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
