I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
