On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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