My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
