The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
