I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
