the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
