If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
