I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
