Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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