He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
