Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
