I'm so fucking centered right now
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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