If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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